THE GAME PLAN

Fighting Porn Addiction

Struggling with Pornography? Get the Game Plan!

Thank you for taking the time to check out this resource on helping people who are struggling with pornography. Our hope is that the video and information provided will help you further understand the struggle you or someone you know is having with pornography, God’s view on it, and some specific ways to overcome it.

We also understand that talking about it can be difficult. Know that we have well-trained people available that can help you take the next steps. To get started, watch the short video from Pastor Chris Brown.

PORNOGRAPHY - SIN OR ADDICTION?

We see God’s design for sex in the Garden of Eden in Genesis chapters 1 and 2. God made man and he made woman. He told them to “be fruitful and multiply” and they became “one flesh.” After a busy day, the Bible tells us “God saw all that he had made and it was very good.” God created all of us as sexual beings and sex is his gift to us. He designed sex to be used in marriage to literally bind you together with your spouse (hence the “one flesh” thing).

Over time, we’ve seen a dramatic change from God’s design for sex to what we’re seeing in society today. Pornography has pushed this over the top. What was once a shameful walk to the dingy part of a video store is now coming to you through computer or phone whether you want it or not. With pornography so easy to access and more and more people tuning in, our culture is becoming completely desensitized to it. What most don’t realize is just how addictive pornography is and the damage it has and will continue to cause in marriages and relationships.

God’s been pretty clear about his standards for our sexuality. Matthew 5:28 says “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Simply put, viewing pornography causes lust and lust is a sin. Any pornography intake is a sin. Included in this are internet sites, social media, magazines, books, social media and TV shows or movies that cause you to lust.

While some occasionally sin by watching pornography, for others viewing pornography has moved to the point where it’s no longer just a sin; it’s an addiction.

Whether you’re sinning or addicted, our aim is to help.

ARE YOU ADDICTED TO PORNOGRAPHY?

ARE YOU….

  • Spending lots of time thinking about viewing pornography or ways to view pornography?
  • Viewing pornography more often and spending longer amounts of time viewing it? You end up spending more time than you planned?
  • Trying unsuccessfully to reduce, control or stop looking at pornography?
  • Spending a lot of time looking for new sources or types of pornography?
  • Watching pornography during work, school or at home when you should be doing other things?
  • Spending less time going out, participating in hobbies or time with friends and family and spending more time viewing pornography?
  • Continuing to view pornography despite the trouble it has caused in your relationship with your partner, family or with God?
  • Spending more time viewing to achieve the same affect? AKA-Tolerance?
  • Feeling restless or irritable if you can’t view pornography?
  • Viewing pornography repeatedly over time?

If you answered yes to any one of the previous questions there is cause for concern, mainly because any sort of pornography intake keeps you from being the person God wants you to be and having the relationships he wants you to have. If you answered yes to at least five of the questions, you fit the criteria for pornography addiction and need help.

THE TRUTH ABOUT PORN

Pornography serves as a toxic “friend” when times get hard, stressful, and feel out of control. It gives a predictable short-term “feel good” without requiring any work on your part. It’s like collecting a paycheck after putting in zero work. Although that may sound good to some, it’s the exact opposite of a healthy and God-centered relationship focused on the importance of giving to your spouse. If you’re not in a relationship, pornography sets up a pattern of selfishness and self-gratification that almost always carries over into future relationships and marriage.

What can start as a way to kill time or feel good easily turns into a habit and if not dealt with, ends up in addiction. Once addicted, your ability to stop viewing pornography becomes exponentially harder.

Pornography almost always brings guilt, shame, and distance from anyone or anything that would hold us accountable.

In essence, pornography prevents you from being close to the very people that can help you in your struggle.

Stopping pornography use is not the end. Dealing with the problems underneath the pornography use is an equally important goal.

It’s important to be aware of the guilt, pain, loneliness, depression, stress or whatever the underlying issue is that creates the desire to use pornography. Getting to that empowers you to face the real issue without having to view pornography as a way to cope with what you’re feeling. We encourage you to meet with a counselor who can help you see the root causes of your pornography use.

WHAT TO DO NOW?

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! ”
2 Corinthians 5:17

Here are a few actions you can take right now if you want to cut pornography out of your life completely:

Have A Serious Talk With God

There are two steps to this part of the process. One step is asking God for forgiveness. 1 John 1:9 says “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” Our confession comes before His forgiveness. In Psalm 51, David prays for God’s mercy after committing some pretty serious sexual sin. In his prayer, David asks God to wash and cleanse him, blot out his sins, and give him a clean heart. Praying this type of prayer is so crucial for you to move forward. God wants to pick you up and clean you off, take away your past sin and see you as a new person. Will you ask him to?

The second step is a commitment to change your behavior, which is more clearly defined as repentance. We see an example of this in the way David not only turned from his sin but also turned towards a righteous life. Turning away from sin and pursuing a righteous lifestyle allows God to work in our lives and brings His power into our problems.

Be Transparent

You don’t need to tell your secrets to everyone, but you need to tell them to someone. It’s important that you take the power of having hidden sin away and shine light on any actions you’re committing to stop. 1 John 1:5-7 says, “This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.” Being transparent will act as a safeguard by allowing other people to truly see your actions and help protect you from falling back into old behaviors.

Who you pick is just as important as what you tell them. Talk to someone who you know is solid in their walk with God and someone who isn’t struggling with the same issue you are. Let them know everything as well as what your plan is for stopping. If you’re married it’s important to let your partner know what’s going on and what you’re doing about it (you may want to talk to a pastor or a counselor about this first to help you prepare for that conversation).

‘But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.’
2 Corinthians 12: 9-1O

Clean Out The Closet

Cleaning it out means getting rid of the junk that causes you to act out. Be honest and ask your support system, friends, pastor, or your husband/wife for feedback on what needs to be thrown out. If you can’t view social media without stumbling, get rid of social media. If you can’t have internet without stumbling, get rid of your internet. Serious growth is going to take serious sacrifice.

Colossians 3:5 encourages us to not only get rid of our “trash” but to put it to death! What are you willing to do to get pornography out of your life?

Learn Your Triggers

When do you look at pornography? What are the circumstances? Is it when you’re up late at night, or when you feel lonely? Do you tend to view more on a Saturday off or during a long shift? Are you more tempted to use after a stressful conversation or day at work? Knowing your triggers will take away their ability to surprise you. Create a plan that takes your triggers into account and gives you a way out when you need it.

Build Your Team

Talk to a pastor or counselor and/or join a support group. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Having solid people around you will influence your life and your decisions. You cannot do this alone and if you are attempting to, without transparency, without confession, without cleaning out the closet and without a support team, you will not succeed.

Team members will include friends, counselors, pastors, family and anyone who can “be real” with you and help you kick your habit.

Recommendations for your support team:

If you: We recommend:
Viewed pornography one time in the last six months Accountability partner
View pornography once a month Pastor/Counselor
View pornography on a weekly or daily basis Counselor
Targeted Life Group (Life Skills-Support)

Getting To The Bottom Of Things

As mentioned before, just cutting out pornography use will only work for so long.

Even if you’re able to quit, not knowing why you use often leads to using pornography again or finding a new addiction to take its place. Talking to a pastor or counselor starts the process of sifting through your life and bringing awareness to why you do what you do. As you uncover the root causes for your pornography use, it becomes easier to work through them, an opportunity you will not have if quitting pornography is your only focus.

Behold, I make all things new.
Revelation 21:5

SUPPORT / RESOURCES

Here is a list of supports available to you at church as well as resources you can find online:

Support at North Coast Church

  • Pastor: To meet with a pastor, call (760) 724-6700 ext. 239
  • Counselor: To schedule an appointment with a counselor, call (760) 724-6700 ext. 239
  • Sexual Addiction Group: Men Committed to Conquer to register call (760) 724-6700 ext. 187

Online Resources: